A most heinous crime

I swear to God that I really do want a cigarette, but refuse to have one, therefore it is highly unlikely that I will post tomorrow, as it is possible that I will be in Police custody!

It should be fun explaining to the duty solicitor that I went "shark hunting" and disposed of one of his kind, as I snarl at him through gritted teeth!

I will claim grounds of diminished responsibility and outright provocation when I enter my plea of "Not Guilty"

Do all solicitors think that the rest of humankind is mentally subnormal? Do they think that using a buffer of 20 bouffante haired bimbos is going to keep us away from them? And do these 20 bimbos not use a diary? If they don't, then I will quite happily teach them how to use Outlook 97 for a mere £120 per person per hour (+VAT) , so that they can blooming learn to input their dumb bosses holiday dates into it! I phoned up 8 times today to find out when the contracts would be exchanged and I could finally escape the hell that is Accrington. Responses were as follows

• He on another call x 3
• He is on his lunch x 1
• He has just gone out x 2
• He is with a client x 2

It was after the second "He is with a client" that anger got the better of me, or should I say STRESS, and I blurted out, "and this client is getting hissed off with being fobbed off"

I seriously felt like adding "and if he doesn't talk to me very soon, the next time he sees his office, it will be as a viewer of Crimewatch.", but managed to restrain myself, knowing that threatening behaviour was not likely to help my cause any.

It was surprising how quickly he did get back to me, only to inform me that his opposite in the other law firm had gone on holiday for two weeks. I asked him when it had been that he knew about this, and he casually said yesterday. I am surprised I managed to stay calm at this point, and my sarcastic comments will hardly likely to make the Book of Quotations, but I think I conveyed my dissatisfaction adequately.

I have given him to tomorrow to have the contracts exchanged and the money in my account, why am I not holding my breath?